Lamprey SOTD
(brainstorming what is bothering me today) 23/11/25 2am
engaging with well known media and values
goal: be well-read, able to reference topics with those around me, especially literature, film and art. have a good foundation of history and knowledge.
problem: my values are strongly anti-white and anti-patriarch, which is what makes up most popular and most referenced media. I feel repelled by most media even if the topic is engaging. Specific interests are underrepresented and niche, hard to get into and higher effort, particularly hard with current state of adhd. Local geography, a white oriented country. Specific interests are particularly niche outside of the white world in Melbourne. Upbringing insecurity
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I am surrounded by white, foundational media and lifestyle as I am in a mixed race relationship. I continue to engage with this british family who have a particular white perspective on film and politics. It is alienating as it constantly brings up class and education insecurity. My most immediate feedback I have access to and that motivates me(immediate feedback) is also the least rewarding feedback.
adhd, interest and self respect, I cannot go with the flow. I cannot find anything within my goals and values that I can get into flow state about. Besides train simulator as of recently. The frustration from the dissonance is affecting my mental health.
I am not giving up or anything, I am aware of what is necessary and what solutions I can take.just venting.
Page is being reworked for SOTD, i put my diary entries in a notepad and my laptop unplugged and died oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[06/07/2025 Sunday]
'SW' by Blonde Redhead from the 2007 album '23' Blonde Redhead is my favourite band. This song is featured in their 2023 tour interview recorded by French Dijon radio show 'Faits Divers'.
Sotd for [04/07/25]